Author: curtis.wiggins

R.I.P. Defense of Marriage Act

So the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), yet somehow miraculously my marriage has stayed completely intact, despite my being a man married to a women. Wait, let me check… …. yep, sanctity levels holding stable. For reasons unknown, my marriage seems strangely unaffected by others now being able to marry.

Maybe, just maybe, my marriage didn’t need defending after all. (Thanks anyway Mr. Clinton.) Maybe government has no business telling me, or anyone else, who I can and can’t love. Maybe my individual freedoms are important enough to be protected from those who would deny them to me.

We’ve come a long way since our founding fathers first spoke of freedom and liberty. All along the way we’ve found various ways to deny certain others the freedoms we cherish for ourselves. But today, we take one step closer to the ideal, another barrier was removed, a wrong righted, a freedom restored.

Today I am proud to be an American. I plan to enjoy this feeling all day. We don’t get many days like this anymore. (Someone cue up the Lee Greenwood.)

Is Paula Deen a Racist?

Paula Deen says she’s not a racist. I think Paula Deen truly believes she is not a racist. I think there are many people out there, who may not realize they are a racist. I think perhaps we should give Paula Deen and others a few tips, on how to tell whether or not they might be a racist. (With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

– If you think having an all black wait-staff, at a plantation style wedding, is a good idea… you might be a racist.

– If you don’t know if the N-word is offensive to black people… well, you just might be a racist.

– If you don’t know WHY the N-word is offensive…. you might be a racist.

– If you think “Most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks”… I got news for ya…. not only might you be a racist. But also… Lady you know fuck all about what’s funny.

Mister Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, and Romper Room

I just read that Mister Rogers passed away 10 years ago today, and this made me stop a moment and reflect. Mister Rogers and Captain Kangaroo were the first two adults, outside of my immediate family, to take the time to talk directly to me. They were always warm and kind, and never mean or cruel. Unlike that Romper Room bitch. She’d look through that magic looking glass thingy, “I see Susie and Jamie and Kevin and Mark…” What about me? I’m right here! Can’t you see me? I would be right in front of the TV, jumping up and down, waving frantically. Why can’t she see me? I watched every day for years. Every damn day, just waiting, waiting for that day she called my name. Bitch never saw me. Never. Finally one day I turned her off, threw away my little plastic-cup-on-a-rope stompy thingies, and never looked back. She was the first woman to ever break my heart, and it was time for me to move on. Still, every now and then, I think of her. And I think, if I ever run into that Romper Room lady, I swear I’m gonna walk right up to her, slap her in the face, and say “Can you see me now bitch?”

Hiccups

In an earlier post, a friend referenced a medical journal article which suggested hiccups could be cured by “digital rectal stimulation”…

I’ll just pause for a moment here and let that one sink in…

Now, for the record, if you ever see me with the hiccups, and *that* is the cure that comes to your mind (and it will be now), do me a favor and just let me keep the hiccups.

Also, rest assured, if I ever come across you with a case of the hiccups, know that while I like you, I do NOT like you THAT well.

Dealer Licensing

Do you know what the state of Florida requires you to do if you want to become an auto dealer?

– get a $25,000 bond
– get $25,000 in liability insurance
– provide proof of lease or ownership of your location
– make sure your location has a permanent structure for an office
– have DMV inspect and approve your location
– complete a 16 hour dealer training seminar
– submit fingerprints
– complete an application
– pay a $300 application fee

Do you know what the state of Florida requires you to do if you want to become a gun dealer?

– nothing
– no really, literally nothing

(In the interest of full disclosure, an ATF license is required for gun dealers in any state. The application fee is $200. It does require fingerprinting and a background check.)

In other news, the my future dream business of “Wiggins World of Wheels” will be changing it’s name slightly… to “Wiggins Weapon Wonderland”.

Gun Control

This is the last thing I will have to say on “gun control”. Feel free to argue amongst yourselves ad-infinitum. I’m out.

When I was a kid, like most kids I had an allowance, and later on a part-time job, and my dad would pretty much let me have anything I could afford to buy for myself, provided…. I was responsible with it.

If I didn’t take care of it, I would not be allowed to keep it. If I left it out in the rain, I would not be allowed to keep it. If it did not use it properly, I would not be allowed to keep it. If it posed a danger and I left it unattended where someone could hurt themselves with it, I would not be allowed to keep it. If it was valuable and I left it out were others might be tempted to steal it, I would not be allowed to keep it. In short, if I were going to own the thing, dad insisted that I be a responsible owner. If I could not be responsible with it, I would have the thing taken away from me. And dad didn’t want to hear any complaining about it – if I had a thing taken away from me, I had no one to blame but myself.

To the “responsible” gun owners out there, you want to keep your guns? Fine. Live up to your responsibility. Be responsible. Don’t just talk about it, do it. See that it’s done. Keep your guns safe, and out of the wrong hands. See that your fellow gun owners do the same. See that your gun dealers do the same. See that law enforcement has the tools they need to deal with those who fail in their responsibility. Make some hard choices about what you do and don’t need, what you can and can’t live with.

You don’t want government to interfere, fine – don’t give them a reason to. Find a way to make it happen, or your government, spurred by the parents of too many murdered children, will find a way for you. Be responsible. Be truly responsible. At this point gun owners, if you get your guns taken away from you, you will have no one to blame but yourselves.

Nancy Lanza (Sandy Hook Elementary)

Nancy Lanza was an avid gun enthusiast. She enjoyed shooting, and she enjoyed collecting. She took her two boys with her to the shooting range, to improve their marksmanship. Turns out at least one of her boys was a pretty good marksman. It’s too bad, that even with all her guns, she was unable to defend herself. Nancy was the first to die, when her son, the one with a history of mental illness, went on a shooting rampage Friday. He took with him two pistols and an “assault-style” rifle. Most of his victims were shot with the rifle, multiple times. All three weapons were registered to Nancy – seems she had quite the collection that she shared with her mentally ill little marksman. Here then is part of the price paid for that collection…

Charlotte Bacon, 6

Daniel Barden, 7

Olivia Engel, 6

Josephine Gay, 7

Ana Marquez-Greene, 6

Dylan Hockley, 6

Madeleine Hsu, 6

Catherine Hubbard, 6

Chase Kowalski, 7

Jesse Lewis, 6

James Mattioli, 6

Grace McDonnell, 7

Emilie Parker, 6

Jack Pinto, 6

Noah Pozner, 6

Caroline Previdi, 6

Jessica Rekos, 6

Avielle Richman, 6

Benjamin Wheeler, 6

Allison Wyatt, 6

Last Night’s Debate

I know you are all anxiously awaiting my analysis of last night’s debate (that’s a cue to most of you to stop reading now – this will be boring and probably piss you off), so… Here we go…

Romney – Was very effective hitting the following point: Whatever Obama’s plan is, he’s had four years to implement it, and has achieved no results. This, in a nutshell, is how Romney wins the election. It is a great argument, largely because it is simple and it is true. He landed some solid blows with it last night. Going forward the heart of his campaign should be focused on that one thing and one thing only – the ineffectiveness of Obama.

As for the rest of his performance, he did exactly what he needed to do – look presidential, and don’t say anything stupid.

Obama – Missed some key opportunities last night. The only way Obama wins is by countering the “ineffectiveness” argument. Obama has to point out exactly how he has been effective. There are three topics where he can do this:

1) The trajectory of the economy. Yes the economy is still down, but when he took office it was heading down and heading down rapidly. Obama has to make the argument that he stopped the downward spiral, that the economy has not only leveled off, but is now, at least marginally, headed back up.

2) GM. This has been potrayed as a bailout of a single company that deserved to fail. He has to present this as the saving of an entire industry. There is an argument to be made here, the failure of GM could have crippled the auto industry in this country, especially in light of the competition from Europe and Japan.

3) Obamacare. He has to own this, and own it in a big way. He staked his entire first term to it, a huge risk (arguably a huge mistake), so he has to explain why it was so important. He has to do what he failed to do in the first place – he has to sell it to the American public. Granted, a difficult task to be sure, but there is a case to be made there.

On all three points, Obama touched on each one briefly, but utterly failed to make a case with any of them. Swing and a miss. To make matters worse, he had no response, none at all, to Romney’s “ineffectiveness” argument. This I don’t understand – how did they not see that coming?

So… Round One goes to Romney.

It will be interesting to see how the candidates recalibrate for round two.

Swing State

One of the “benefits” of living in a swing state is we get to see all of the campaign commercials. Two in particular have been making the rounds, one featuring Obama, and the other featuring Bill Clinton for Obama, both basically suggesting we need to continue on the same path, and eventually it will all work out.

This reminds me of that little kid at the party who keeps trying to do the magic trick, but never quite gets it right. “Is this your card?” “No wait, here, is THIS your card?” “No, hold on, let me do it again, is this your card?” “No?” Eventaully his mommy will come along and tell him that’s enough, and to go play in his room now.

Now let me be clear, I don’t think Obama is the Devil. I don’t think he is the anti-Christ. I don’t think he is a Socialist. I don’t think he will plunge this country into a thousand years of darkness. (Really Chuck? A thousand years of darkness?). But, I am getting tired of waiting for his magic trick to work, and I think maybe it is time for him to go to his room.

Only problem is, then we have to talk to creepy Uncle Mitt, and he always calls us “sport” and “champ” and rubs our head and asks how our lacrosse team is doing this year, and I don’t know what to say ’cause I don’t even know wtf lacrosse is.

Traditional Values (Mike Huckabee)

Mike Huckabee says “If Christians affirm traditional values, we’re considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.”

Well Mike, there’s a reason for that. These “traditional values” they are affirming are all too often homophobic, fundamentalist, hateful, and intolerant.

I’m sorry Mike, but MY traditional values have to do with accepting people as they are, not judging lest I be judged, and treating others the way I would have them treat me.

Maybe if more Christians honored the traditional value of keeping their goddamned noses out of other people’s goddamned business we could get past this nonsense and all go back to eating our fried chicken in peace.